Friday, January 22, 2010

you've got mail!

Guest post by one of my best friends in the whole world, Corinne. Enjoy, as she is a writing genius!

I'm already cringing at the cheesy title...but when my best love her until we both have blue hair and dentures friend asked me to "guest post" on her blog, I instantly went into freak out mode.  Oh no...what will I say?  And why would anyone care?  I have my own blog but basically I just brag about the daily adventures of my amazing children and the experiences that shape me in this thing we called life.  And...then, I guess it just kinda came to me.  So many of the experiences that have shaped me in my formative years were with Missy.  As we have become adults, many things have changed, including our ability to see each other on a daily basis.  Regardless of the miles, I always want Missy to know her impression on this crazy, plain ol' me.

((circa 1999))

Dear Missy,
First of all...thank you for this opportunity.  I love to read your blog, and do walk away feeling inspired to find more time for things I love besides these two:

I love to see you,  John, your cats, your ideas, your creations...your joy in all of it.  Keep writing.  I like it.

[just so you know...these are the things you've inspired me to be inspired about...]

you know of my love for photographing my children, but I've begun to self-explore more about lenses, and lighting, focus and detail.  Do I think anyone should ever pay me to take a picture?  No.  But, nevertheless, instead of playing mindless facebook games all day, I have started more exploration and study.  I hope this leads to many more reasons to buy beautiful frames and take forever and a day to actually hang them up....yes...still such a procrastinator.

These are train tracks, I'm aware...but there's more.  A train follows a path, set out for it with no (intended) reason or ability to deter from that path.  I don't believe those were the instructions for our lives, regardless of what some may have led us to believe.  I am so glad that in our adult lives we have found that our God isn't an equation, strictly a set of rules or distant.  The God we knew, is not the God we know.

Facing my inner demons.  How long have I struggled with my weight/appearance issues.  FAR too long.  I know we laugh about it every time we bring it up, but when I walked into that Home Ec class in 7th grade, already over six foot tall, wearing a ridiculous business suit that my mom promised me would look amazing (the shoulder pads could have served as butt cheek implants), I remember distinctly looking at you surrounded by your group of friends and knowing that I would never be pretty enough or good enough to be "accepted."  And you know what, always made me feel good enough.  It took some transformations and of course my witty charm (hehe) but soon enough I was surrounded by those friends.  I'm all for sayin' it real...I was out of control for awhile.  Two babies in two years didn't help, but I make no excuses for the five chins I sported for far too long...  Then came the inevitable "divorce diet" (the diet, not the divorce), and suddenly I fit into a size I hadn't even seen in high school.  And I'm ashamed, but I relished it.  I loved that I could go days without eating, that I had control over that aspect of my life.  I know at the time it was the only control I had over my life.  I'd like to think that I've reached some sort of equilibrium... I don't look in the mirror now and immediately grimace. 
You've always loved me, no matter what I looked like.  Thank you.
I have finally found peace about this, and find myself convicted by the fact that I am a mother raising a daughter.  It is my responsibility to create a positive image at all times for my katie.  However, that being said I admit a ridiculous obesession with Wii Fit Plus. 

I am so grateful that your love for me in our adult years has always pointed me straight to the Savior.  I don't know if you will ever understand the place I was in when I came to visit you in Centralia, but I was desperate for hope..desperate for something, anything.  Those two days I felt loved, peace.  Regardless of the outcome, I left your lovely town (that I seriously do love) with hope.  You reminded me, and continue to remind me that with our God all things are possible. 

Oh, Miss...I'm sure this rambling may not be what you expected when you asked me to do this.  I know there have been times when we have been more distant than I wanted.  I consider this largely my fault, as somehow, since graduating high school with the most popular girls, a boyfriend, and the ability to make friends in a millisecond, I now cringe at the thought of making a phone call (even though I may genuinely want to talk to that person), replay conversations over and over in my head and think about all the stupid things I said...generally, not so good at making new friends or maintaining friendships that are important to me.
You are important to me, and I haven't always shown you that.  I'm sincerely sorry.

We've shared so much, how could I ever begin to share? 
So, I'll end with this:  I think you'll find it appropriate

i love you.

1 comment:

  1. wow, wow, wow!!! made me cry! and that does describe the Missy I know. Full of love, hope, joy and peace-just at the right time when you need it most! I love you even more...